Here Without You
by LoveAcrossTime
Summary: Inuyasha waits by the well for Kagome's return, and finds himself wondering why he needs her. Why he can't be without her. InuXkag. Oneshot. Reviews welcome, no flames.


A/N: I'm not really sure why I wrote this. I got the idea in the middle of the night, like I usually do. I wrote it in two sittings. And no, it has nothing to do with the song _Here Without You_. I just liked that for a title. I'm also not sure what possessed me to write this in first person. I've only ever written one thing in first person, before. In fact, it's another short little Inuyasha-thinking oneshot. I've been inspired by TouchofPixieDust, who is in many ways my idol. Theses things're just fun to write. Anyway, on to the fic.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own…oh, I give up. I OWN IT, OKAY PEOPLE?! I OWN IT!!

AAAAAKKKK!!!! Okay, don't hurt me! Fine, you want the disclaimer? I do not own _blah blah blah_ Inuyasha _blah blah blah _copyrighted _blah blah blah _Rumiko Takahashi _blah blah blah _all characters affiliated _blah blah blah._

Okay. Happy now?

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Here Without You

A sudden gust of wind whips through the forest, blowing particularly loudly to my sensitive ears. I prick them forward eagerly, then let them droop again. Just a natural wind, nothing more. I sigh, my head sinking down. I rest my chin on the wooden edge of the well, my eyes narrowing. I snap them open again, thinking I see a blue flicker from underneath my eyelids. I blink a few times. I was imagining it.

This time I keep my eyes open, wide. Maybe if I stare really, really hard, she'll come back. Maybe she'll sense me or something. Then I draw back from the well in fear. I don't _want_ her to sense me! What would she say if she knew I always wait for her like this? I scoot back a bit more, watching the well from a distance, just in case. Her miko powers are pretty strong. It's possible that she _can_ sense me, even from over there. I hadn't considered that before.

I cross my arms over my chest, defiantly. Why do _I_ care if she senses me? Which leads me to another thought. Why the hell am I waiting for her, anyway?

I 'keh' out loud at that. I have my reasons. Plenty of 'em. She's my shard detector, for one thing. We can't find the shards without her. And she's my best friend. So we need her here. That's all.

But if that's all it is, the treacherous part of my mind hisses, then why can't I just wait back at the village with the others? _They_ need her to find the shards, too. And she's Sango's best friend, too. I growl protectively. She was _my_ friend first.

Unconsciously, I scoot a bit closer to the well. I could just go back and get her. I alone could do that. That thought causes me to grin, and lean closer still. _I'm_ the only one who can get through to her time. I hate the well, because it takes her away from me. But I also love it, because it knows. It knows that she is mine. Of all the people in the sengoku jidai, only I can go through the well. Only I can go to her. Because she is _mine._

And she'd damn well better be back soon. I won't go get her. I _can't._ If she knew how much I need her to come back…I shudder. Then I stop, suddenly. I sit down out of my crouch, hard. I don't need her to come back…do I?

No, of course not. That's ridiculous. I don't need her. I can survive just fine without her. Really.

I sit up again, and place my hands on the edges of the well. I don't notice my claws digging into it, leaving deep marks in the ancient wood. I growl softly. Stubbornly. I don't need her. I don't need anyone.

_I don't need her because I don't need anyone. I've survived my whole life, ever since my mother died, not needing anyone. I can survive just fine on my own. I've proved that over and over again._

_I don't need her because it's not safe for her to be here. I am her protector, and the only way to truly protect her is to keep her out of this world entirely. I need to keep her safe, and that's more important than…other things._

_I don't need her because I really could find the shards without her. It would be harder, but it would be possible. I don't need her for that. I don't need her for anything._

_I don't need her because, well, feelings aren't everything. They're nothing, really. Nothing at all. I've survived my whole life making myself feel nothing. It's the easiest, no, the best, way to live. I don't need my feelings. I can survive without them. I can survive without her._

But then I realize something. For a long time, survival really was everything. But now…it's not anymore. I _can_ survive, but lately I've been wondering about the difference between needing something and wanting something. If it has anything to do with Kagome, well…I just don't think about that. I can survive, but…is it possible that there really is more to life than survival? I'd never really considered that before. I couldn't. Now I can.

It's not true that I don't need anyone. I've known that for a while now. Ever since…well, ever since I met _her._ Kagome. It was more like I didn't have anyone, not that I didn't need them. I can survive without anyone, but…there's a difference between surviving, and needing. I've come to realize that. And so maybe I do need people after all. I may be only half human, but that half is enough. It's enough to make me need.

It's not true, either, that she's not safe here. I can keep her safe. I can keep her safe from anything. My duty as her protector is to protect her, yes, but not to sacrifice my own happiness in order to do so. Not when I can protect her perfectly well on my own.

It is true that I could find the shards without her. But so what? Why would I _want_ to find the shards without her? She can find them so much more easily, and…well…I just don't want to find them without her. Okay? I don't want to.

And maybe feelings aren't everything. But they're not nothing, either. There are certain feelings that are just so…important. Like happiness. I'd never known happiness, and I didn't want to. I was afraid it would make me soft. I couldn't afford to be soft. But I know happiness, now. I like it. I _like_ being happy. And…she makes me happy. She was the first person to ever make me truly happy.

But all of this is…well, it's more. It's more than wanting her. More than her making me happy. It's…I really don't know if I could live without her. I mean, I could _survive._ But surviving really isn't everything. Life without Kagome is just…unimaginable. Pointless. So maybe I do need her. Because needing her…is not being able to be here without her.

_I need her because she makes me happy. When I'm with her, I can just relax, and think about nothing. I don't have to think about Naraku, or the jewel, or fighting, or revenge. I can just think about…well, about her. And nothing else. I like that._

_I need her because I think she needs me. I've never been needed before. People have needed me to protect them, but then afterwards I was just a hanyou again. A disgraceful, disgusting hanyou. They didn't need me. They hated me. But she needs me, and not just for protection. I don't really know why, but I'm not going to argue. I need to be needed._

_I need her because, frankly, I just can't really live without her at this point. I'm not sure when it happened, but…I can't even function when she's not around. I don't fight well, and everyone says I drive them crazy, fidgeting and complaining. She has become my life. Is that so bad?_

_I need her because I like looking at her. Not because she's pretty, although she is. She's beautiful. But that has nothing to do with it. She's just so…happy. Lighthearted. Gentle. There's this sort of…light, in her eyes. I think maybe it's life. She's so full of life. Of the life that I never had. That I could never admit that I wanted. But I still have a chance to have that life…with her._

_I need her because she actually cares about me. She wants me to live, no matter what. She wants me to be happy. She wants that, even if it means that she isn't happy. I can't stand that. I can't stand it when she's not happy. I would do almost anything to make her happy. I know that she's not always happy. No one else notices when her bright smile is just a little off, or that her eyes are just a little dull, or that she's at the river bathing just a little too long. But I notice. It's not because I can smell her tears. Oh, how I loathe that smell. But I notice because…I just do. I notice things about her. Because I care._

_I need her because I can't be without her. It's not a matter of want or don't want, not is it a matter of survival. I just…need her. I do._

All my senses go on hyper-alert suddenly. I catch a whiff of her scent, her beautiful, precious scent, that smells like nothing else in the world. Just Kagome. My Kagome.

Blue light flares up from the well. Out of instinct, I reach down and feel a small hand grasp mine. I pull her out easily, and set her on the ground before me. There she is. Kagome. Where just seconds before there wasn't Kagome, now there is. My heart beats faster. The whole clearing seems to have a new light to it. I decide I like the clearing after all.

Confused, yet smiling, Kagome looks down at our hands. I realize my hand is still tightly grasping hers. Blushing furiously, I yank it away. She smiles, a slight blush coloring her cheeks as well.

"You waited for me, Inuyasha?"

I want to cross my arms over my chest. I want to spit out a 'keh,' and jump up into the nearest tree. But I don't need to do any of those things. So instead, I nervously clear my throat. Damn, it's hard to get out this one word. But I manage it. Barely.

"Yeah."

She grins. As though she's genuinely happy I waited. And so I smile back at her, because when she's happy, I'm happy. Always.

"Why?" she asks me softly, taking my hand in hers again. Blushing, I curl my fingers around her hand. We start to walk back toward the village.

I think about my last answer, and how happy it made her. I want her to be happy. No, I need it.

"Because I can't be here without you," I say. Because it's true.

And as she beams up at me, I realize something. There must be a reason I need her so much. And, in my heart, I know there is.

_I need her because I love her. It's as simple as that, really._

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Liked it? I love reviews more than anything else on earth, except possibly inukag. Reviews are what keep me…and everyone else…writing. So please review. Also, flames will be disregarded, as they do nothing but hurt and discourage the writer. I always welcome constructive criticism, however. Arigatou! 


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